The Leopard-Print Thong of Aphrodite
Art by Julia Wong
By Iris Harshaw
This is a scene from Homer’s Iliad (14.190–221). Hera, the queen of Olympus, is desperate to interfere in the Trojan war on the Greeks’ behalf, but her husband Zeus won’t let her. She decides to seek Aphrodite’s help, hoping the love goddess can lend her some erotic tricks that might persuade Zeus to change his mind. However, crafty Hera must hide her true intentions in order to reach her goal…
There are two goddesses onstage, both dressed in Greek-style chitons. The first goddess, Aphrodite, is seated on a throne of satin pillows. She wears her long hair loose around her shoulders. Her chiton is falling off those same shoulders, as if the garment rejects the very idea of clothing such a body. The second goddess, Hera, stands in front of the throne. She wears her hair pinned up in a matronly style. She has impeccable posture.
HERA
Dear child, will you agree to do me a favor? Or will you refuse me out of resentment—because I help the Greeks and you help the Trojans?
APHRODITE
Hera, honored goddess, daughter of mighty Kronos, tell me what you desire. I can feel it in my chest that I must fulfill your wish if I am able…and if it is a wish that can be fully filled.
Hera steps towards Aphrodite and grabs her hands. She speaks with precision and care.
HERA
Give me Love and Sex—those things with which you so easily overpower immortals and mortals alike. These are my plans. I will see the ends of this lush earth, see Oceanus—the origin of the gods—and mother Tethys, those two who raised me and cherished me so well in their own homes…
Hera tears up, for effect. Aphrodite leans forward, interested.
…abandoned there by my mother Rhea. I will see that place where far-seeing Zeus buried Kronos under the earth and lifeless sea. I will see Oceanus and Tethys, and I will resolve their unceasing feud which keeps them from uniting in their marriage bed. They have been apart for far too long, ever since that veil of anger fell upon their very souls. If my persuasion wins the dear hearts of these two and I set them up in bed together with love between them, they might forever revere and appreciate me.
Aphrodite, who cherishes her own amusement above all else, laughs as she begins to reply.
APHRODITE
I can hardly deny such a noble request, darling. You sleep in the arms of mighty Zeus, after all.
Aphrodite stands up and starts shimmying a leopard-print thong down her thighs as she speaks.
APHRODITE
This garment manufactures all the enchanting parts that make up Me.
She circles Hera, holding the thong, talking slowly and with purpose.
APHRODITE
It is a factory that churns out Love, Sex, Flirtation, Seduction. This is what allows me to steal the minds of even the wisest fools.
Aphrodite flicks the thong and all its sexy magic at Hera. The goddess pinches her new accessory between two fingers and dangles it as far away from her body as possible. She looks like she’s afraid it will bite her.
APHRODITE
Now slip on the thong. Don’t be shy. It holds all my tricks. I swear you won’t fail in any business you decide to get up to. Or down to. I’m not picky.
Aphrodite winks and returns to her seat. She picks up a mirror and starts ignoring Hera completely.
Hera looks at the thong with heavy skepticism. She turns towards the audience and heaves a deep sigh. She pulls the thong on slowly, her expression shifting from reluctance to pleasure each inch it moves up. She sighs again—an altogether different kind of sigh. Hera sashays off the stage, full of confidence, humming a bright tune. Zeus won’t know what hit him.
Translator’s Note:
The stage directions are all my own, but I otherwise tried to translate close to Homer’s Greek. The garment—ἱμάς—that Aphrodite gives to Hera is often translated as “girdle” or “belt”, which I find quite stuffy. One dictionary translation I found for the word was "the thong or latchet of a sandal", hence my creative interpretation here. It really might have been leopard-print though! The garment is described as ποικίλος, which could mean "many-coloured, spotted, mottled, pied, dappled, of leopards, fawns."