Am I the Other Woman?
Art by Julia Wong
By Suhani Govind
Dearest sister,
I must tell you what has transpired today. You must swear to secrecy because it is important that Calodoron, my dear husband, does not find out about this. Though our marriage was blessed by Hera herself, even she would not be able to prevent the consequences of my actions today. As I’m sure you are well aware, both of our husbands—the upstanding aristocrats they are—always go to the theater to experience the latest comedies. Last night after I put the children to bed, I was overcome with the desire to break from my routine. Oh! I cannot believe I am admitting this, even to you, my dear sister, who will always stand by my side. These wicked desires inside me must have been put here by the gods themselves! But I find myself tired of performing the same exact tasks every day, and I feel very stagnant in my life. I know how lucky I am to have a husband who cares enough about me to teach me all the ways to run a household, and who does not seek bodily pleasure from other women—you know how much he encourages my hobbies, gardening and art! Even with all this in mind, I decided that I wanted to see the latest comedy for myself, mainly so I could see Calodoron and his reactions.
We share a close physical bond and I have given him all of me, but I sense that he has not reciprocated, and that there are parts of him that I am not privy to. I knew that it was of utmost importance that I not be recognized, so I went to my art studio and painted my features to resemble a man. I went into his closet to borrow one of his less conspicuous robes, and once I was satisfied with my appearance, I set off toward the newly built theater so that I could observe my husband. Once I got there, I immediately found his captivating presence in the center, towards the very front, surrounded by his closest friends and a young boy, whom I know as Nari. (Calodoron has been acting as his mentor to introduce him to the aristocracy, and he has come round for dinner several times. The two are very close, and it makes me excited to see the bond Calodoron will have with our sons when they are at that age.)
The comedy itself was well underway by the time I arrived. After overhearing Calodoron’s conversations last week, I knew that Aristophanes’s latest creation was being performed, and that it was called Lysistrata. My eyes were drawn away from Calodoron when I heard an actor state, “But we move back! We simply don’t go to bed with him. I can assure you darlings, Peace will be signed before you can say, “come again?'”1 I thought to myself, What in the Olympus is happening? These women in the play were actually convinced that they could encourage their husbands to end the war by not having sex with them! I could not understand why they wholeheartedly believed that their plan would work. Their husbands would just accumulate hetairas or seek pleasure elsewhere, so their plan was clearly doomed to fail. Then the women made an oath upon a wine jug in which they pledged that they will not let a single prick approach them, and that, if forced, they would not reach orgasm at the same time.
I looked at Calodoron at this moment, noting his bemused expression as his friends whispered and laughed at the scene taking place. It was clear that he too believed this plan would never work, and he turned to tell his opinions to Nari. The two shared a look that appeared to convey their thoughts without any words. I found this strange, because he has never shared these looks with me, so I could not interpret them like Nari could. But my attention returned to the stage as Lysistrata threatened the Magistrate outside the Akropolis with bodily harm if he touched even a pinky on her hand! Caloniki, one of Lysistrata’s allies, defended her and stated, “If they as much as lay a finger on our Lysistrata, I’ll kick the shit out of you, trust me…sir! I’ll make you brown your pants.”2 The other women jumped in to defend each other until the police backed off, which puzzled me. Why would these men be threatened by women? Why do the women think they have the right to threaten the cops in the first place? It cannot possibly end well for them to act in such an obnoxious way. Even so, I was intrigued to see what would happen next with the women holding the war funds hostage.
The women’s motivations to end the war were quite interesting; most of them wanted the war to end so that they could spend more time with their husbands and sons without worrying that they would never return home. As a mother, I empathized with them, because I too would be distraught if war took my family from me. However, I am knowledgeable enough to know that nothing I say or do would change the outcome of a war, and that nothing good would befall these women from their actions. Thankfully, some of the women started to see sense and began escaping back to their homes and husbands. They are the ones who truly embody the virtues of a citizen’s wife. But alas, I could not tell whether they went back for their husbands’ pricks or if they realized the error in their ways, and the more I watched the more I started to think it was the former. This puzzled me, as no woman I have ever met has cared for bodily pleasure this much. I turned to Calodoron again, who was sharing those secretive looks with both Nari and your own husband, so I could not gauge what he thought about this turn of events.
I watched the interaction between Cinesias and Myrrhini, and could not understand why Myrrhini was able to see her infant son, who had gone without feeding for six days, and not feel inclined to do something to rectify that. She blamed her husband for her son’s appearance and left her husband extremely aroused and erect, because she is more loyal to Lysistrata than to her own husband. That I truly could not understand, because in marrying Cinesias, Myrrhini has pledged eternal devotion to him and cannot revoke her vows. How can she let her husband suffer when she is in a position to help? And what of her starving child? Sister, I know you would never hurt your husband like the way these women were hurting theirs, because we love our husbands enough to never deprive them of their needs. Whoever wrote this play is showing a side of women that is not at all realistic; we would never act so ridiculous as to expect our husbands to do anything we command.
The play finally ends with the arrival of Miss Peace, whose naked body somehow convinced the Athenians and the Spartans to give up their war. They were so dazzled by the prospect of having sex again as they circle her naked body and divide regions between both groups so that each side is satisfied enough to stop fighting. It is clear in our society that the gods are responsible for the actions of man, and nothing that we women do will interfere with the gods’ will. If Zeus decides that there will be war between Athens and Sparta, then that war will occur until the Olympians decide otherwise. I do not understand what this play was trying to accomplish with its foolish ideas about women and I am sure Calodoron thinks the same.
I looked at him then, and was surprised to see such an animated look on his face as he gesticulated loudly to Nari, who was eagerly nodding along, providing his own opinions. I could not understand what they could possibly be talking about; I am sure Calodoron would never want a wife who acted in such an unbecoming matter, and that he was teaching Nari that he needed a wife that would be dutiful and respectful to him. As people were milling about, discussing the play among their friends as the stage was being cleared, I moved closer to Calodoron, hoping to better understand what he was saying. Expressions foreign to me crossed his handsome face as he chatted with Nari, an arm slung over him. He looked more carefree and youthful with Nari than I have ever seen him, and I decided to keep following them as they drank wine and shared jokes. The two were lost in their own world, and only had eyes for each other. This was odd, because Calodoron has never shown me this much attention. He does not linger after sex, or after meals, because he always has arrangements with others. I believed that in letting him go and not demanding anything of him, he would love me more. After watching this play and watching him, I feel as if I miscalculated and that he does not love me wholly, as I love him. He would much rather converse with his friends and spend time with Nari than converse with me, and I could never compete with that relationship.
Sister, I beg of you for advice, because my poor heart cannot take this pain.
Yours, Mirryn
Aristophanes, Lysistrata (Bacchicstage, 2000), 2.154
Aristophanes, Lysistrata, 2.440
Bibliography
Aristophanes. Lysistrata. Translated by George Theodoridis. Bacchicstage, 2000.